[jet engine roaring]
[tires screeching]
[chiming over P.A.]
[man over P.A.] United Airlines announcing the arrival
of flight 9435 from Beijing.
Customer service representative,
please report to gate C-42.
[man repeats announcement in Mandarin]
[woman over P.A.] All visitors to the U.S. should line up at booths 1 through 15.
[woman] Please have I-94 forms filled out.
What's the purpose of your visit?
What is the purpose of your visit?
Business or pleasure?
Just visiting. Shopping?
A plaisir.
- It's pleasure. - Eh, business.
How long will you be staying?
Could I see your return ticket?
- The purpose of your visit? - Business or pleasure?
- [woman] One month. - Enjoy your stay.
I will. Next.
[woman over P.A.] Please have passports, immigration forms,
I-94 and customs declarations ready to hand to the inspector.
If you need any assistance with your paperwork...
Stand by. He's fishing. Copy that.
See this bunch of Mickey Mouse sweatshirts down here?
That's the tour from China, connecting to Orlando.
When was the last time you saw Chinese tourists
on their way to Disney World and not a single one had a camera?
Possible forged documents on 10 and 11.
[shouting]
Sir? Sir? Passport.
Thank you.
Welcome, Mr. Navorski.
Purpose of your visit?
[speaking Bulgarian]
Business or pleasure?
[speaking Bulgarian]
[beeping]
Sir, I have an IBIS hit on six.
[shouting]
Mr. Navorski. Please follow me.
[speaking Bulgarian]
...746 from Montreal
must proceed to U.S. Immigration
before claiming their luggage.
All right, Mr. Navorski, we would like for you to wait here, please.
Next, please.
[buzzing]
What exactly are you doing in the United States, Mr. Navorski?
Yellow taxicab, please.
Take me to Ramada Inn,
161 Lexington.
Staying at the Ramada Inn?
Keep the change.
Do you know anyone in New York?
Yes.
Who? Yes.
Who?
Yes. No, do you know anyone in New York?
Yes. Yes.
Who? Yes.
161 Lexington.
Okay, Mr. Navorski, I'm going to need to see your return ticket, please.
No, your return ticket. Your...
Oh, oh, uh, yes.
Ah. [woman screams, shouts]
[customs officer] Please. This is just a standard procedure.
I'm going to need the passport, also.
Oh. Oh, okay.
No, no, no, no.
No, Mr. Navorski.
That. Passport.
That.
Mr. Navorski? Sorry to keep you waiting. How are you?
I'm Frank Dixon,
Director of Customs and Border Protection here at JFK.
Which means that I help people with their immigration problems.
Now, we're looking for an interpreter for you.
How are we doing? Do we have an interpreter?
Okay. But I understand that you speak a little English.
Yes. You do?
Yes. Okay. Good.
I hope you don't mind if I eat while we talk.
I've a bit of bad news.
Your country has suspended all traveling privileges
on passports that have been issued by your government.
And our state department has revoked the visa
that was going to allow you to enter the United States.
That's it in a nutshell, basically.
Anyway, it seems that while you were in the air,
there was a military coup in your country.
Most of the dead were members of the presidential guard.
They were attacked in the middle of the night.
They got it all on GHN, I think.
There were few civilian casualties. I'm sure your family's fine.
Mr. Navorski, your country was annexed from the inside.
The Republic of Krakozhia is under new leadership.
Krakozhia. Krakozhia.
Ha-ha. Heh. Krakozhia.
Right. I don't think, uh...
I don't think he gets it.
Uh, let me... Okay. Look.
Imagine that these potato chips are Krakozhia.
Ah... Kra-ko-zhia.
Kra-ko-zhia. Yes.
Krakozhia. Okay.
Okay. Uh...
So the potato chips are Krakozhia. Okay.
And this apple...
Big Apple. Big Apple.
Big Apple. Represents the Liberty Rebels.
Okay?
No more Krakozhia. Okay?
New government.
Revolution. You understand?
All flights in and out of your country have been suspended indefinitely.
The new government has sealed all borders,
so your passport and visa are no longer valid.
So, currently you are a citizen... of nowhere.
Even if we could get you new papers,
we couldn't process them until the United States
recognizes your country's new diplomatic reclassification.
Yeah. See, you don't qualify for asylum, refugee status,
temporary protective status, humanitarian parole,
or nonimmigration work travel or diplomatic visas.
You don't qualify for any of these things.
You are at this time simply...
unacceptable.
Unacceptable.
Big Apple tour include
Brooklyn Bridge, Empire State,
Broadway showCats.
I got more bad news for you, Mr. Navorski.
Catshas closed. Oh. Okay.
Now I go New York City. Thank you.
No, Mr. Navorski, look.
I cannot allow you to enter the United States at this time.
Eh, Krakozhia.
We can't allow you to go home, either.
You don't really have a home. Technically, it doesn't exist.
It's like aTwilight Zone.
Do you ever see that show? Yes.
Do you get that show over there? Yes, yes.
"Talking Tina," "Nightmare at 30,000 Feet,"
"Zanti Misfits."
"Zanti Misfits," that'sOuter Limits,sir.
Oh, really? Well, it's not important. Anyway...
Where do I buy the Nike shoes?
Okay, Mr. Navorski, come here. Walk with me.
Here's my dilemma, Mr. Navorski.
You have no legal right to enter the United States,
and I have no legal right to detain you.
You have fallen through a small crack in the system.
I am crack. Yes.
Until we get this sorted out,
I have no choice but to allow you to enter
the International Transit Lounge.
I'm going to sign a release form that is going to make you a free man.
Free? Free. Free.
Free to go anywhere you like
within the confines of the International Transit Lounge.
Okay? Okay.
Okay.
I'm sure Uncle Sam will have this sorted out by tomorrow,
and welcome to the United States.
Almost. [laughs]
Thank you. Okay. All right
Thanks, Judge.
Okay.
Now, Mr. Navorski. Mr. Navorski.
Mr. Navorski, this is the International Transit Lounge.
You're free to wait here. These are food vouchers.
You can use them in the food court.
Your Krakozhian money is no good here.
This is a 15-minute, prepaid calling card.
You may call home, if you like.
This, in case we need to contact you, is a pager.
You must keep this with you at all times.
Here is an I.D. badge for you to get into C.B.P.
Beyond those doors...
Mr. Navorski. I'm going to need you to look at me.
Beyond those doors is American soil.
Mr. Dixon wants to make it very clear to you
that you are not to enter through those doors.
You are not to leave this building.
America is closed.
America closed. America closed.
Wh-What I do?
There's only one thing you can do here, Mr. Navorski.
Shop.
[man over P.A.] Ladies and gentlemen,
passengers of flight 854, New York-Warsaw,
we will commence boarding in 20 minutes.
## [anthem playing]
[female newscaster] ...international communities
try to make inroads to a peaceful resolution.
Meanwhile, a troubled populace has to wonder
if they will ever find political stability Krakozhia.
or find the leadership to secure their place on the world stage.
Oh...
And next this hour, looking to buy a 90-foot yacht?
Hey. How about a $200,000 golf cart?
[male newscaster] ...have been taken hostage.
We're also hearing that the vice president has been killed,
along with four cabinet members,
13 injured soldiers and 20 civilians.
By dawn, rebel leaders had surrounded the state houses.
In a symbolic gesture,
the national flag of Krakozhia was torn down
from the presidential palace and the parliament building.
Please. Please. Please.
Televisor!
[speaking Bulgarian]
Televisor. Televisor.
[speaking Bulgarian]
[female newscaster] This just in.
Last night a military coup overthrew the government of Krakozhia.
Bombing and gunfire were heard through the night.
Although details of the coup are unclear,
we are told that President Vagobagin and his top aides
have been taken hostage.
Bonjour, monsieur. You are a Red Carpet Club member?
[panting, speaking Bulgarian]
I need to see your boarding pass and club card, sir.
I'm sorry, sir. This is a private lounge.
The public lounge is downstairs.
The tiniest nation in the region has found itself shaken
by yet another political uprising.
Krakozhia has been involved in civil war and bloody separatist movements
throughout the late '80s and '90s
as it has tried to transition from communist rule.
[sobbing]
Watch it! Please.
Please. Telephone? Telephone?
Please, please. Please, please.
[man over P.A.] Welcome to John F. Kennedy International Airport.
For security reasons, please keep your luggage with you at all times.
Unattended luggage will be removed for inspection
and may be destroyed.
[speaking Bulgarian]
[crunching]
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
You broke my bag!
I got this in Paris. This is my favorite bag.
I can't believe you just broke my bag.
Mom, Dad! He broke my bag.
[speaking Bulgarian]
Excuse me. Stop it. Stop it.
Do you have an appointment? Uh...
I'm sorry. I don't let anyone to look at my trash without an appointment.
Uh...
I have an opening next Tuesday. Tuesday.
Tuesday. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Tuesday.
It will be good time for you to come back and get lost.
Okay, good-bye. Sorry.
Tuesday.
## [Muzak rendition of "Strangers In The Night" plays]
[yawning]
## ["A Summer Place" plays over P.A.]
[grunts]
[groans]
[sighs]
[engine roaring]
Don't shoot!
She sleeps 12, Frank. Has a 120-volt generator, wet bar, gas range.
She looks amazing. She's my dream.
My pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
She's a beautiful boat, and I hope you get her soon.
You've earned her. Ah. Thank you, Frank.
You have. Actually, I bought her yesterday.
Oh, come on. Congratulations.
Frank, I'm nominating you to take my place.
Starting today, you will assume the duties of acting field commissioner
until you get approval from Washington.
Really? I don't know what to say.
Yeah? Jesus.
Richard, is this real? Oh, it's real, Frank.
Don't you stand there pretending to be surprised. Well...
You've been waiting for me to retire or drop dead for years now.
No, I haven't been waiting for you to retire.
[both laugh]
That's all right, Frank.
My retirement will become official the day you get sworn in.
You've waited a long time for this, Frank.
I have.
Just be careful about the inspection process. Yeah.
I will. I've been here for 17 years, so I...
We're talking about the field commissioner position.
People are going to look to you for leadership,
to set an example.
What are you saying?
[chuckles]
I'm saying the job is yours to lose.
[Dixon] Ship the Colombians off to asylum hearings.
Run priors on the Chinese before deporting,
and call the parents of those kids from Long Island.
Tell them it was a bad idea to let them go to Jamaica.
Everybody, we got South America and Madrid are on the tarmac.
I want them out in half an hour.
Mr. Thurman,
there's a man walking around the terminal in a bathrobe.
I know, sir. You put him there.
Welcome to the United States. Next.
[speaking Bulgarian]
I need visa. Where's your green form?
I can't do anything without your green entry form. Go to the wall.
Next!
Sir.
The light green form.
? I love New York ?
[drumbeats] I love it!
? New York ?
? I love New York ?
Light green.
Mr. Navorski, you cannot get into New York without a visa.
You cannot get a visa without a passport,
and you cannot get a new passport without a country.
There's nothing we can do for you here.
I give you light green.
I'm sorry, but you've wasted an entire day.
At this time you are simply...
Unacceptable. [sighs] Yes.
[Navorski] Unacceptable.
[snoring] [Dixon] Why is he still here?
You released him, sir. You put him there.
Why doesn't he walk out the doors?
Why doesn't he try to escape?
[Thurman] Sir, you told him to wait.
I didn't think he'd actually do it.
I mean, he's in a crack. Who the hell waits in a crack?
There's no news from the State Department, but we can deport him in a few days.
Yeah, it could be a few days. It could be a week, two weeks, a month.
Who knows what this guy is thinking, what gulag he escaped from?
Everything he does comes back to me.
Bring him back to the holding cell?
No, I'll show him the door.
Hello.
Do you have an appointment? Yes, yes, yes. 9:30.
Food document, trash. Tuesday.
Tuesday. I hate the Tuesday.
Excuse me.
[speaking Bulgarian]
Airports are tricky places, Mr. Navorski.
I'm about to tell you something.
Something that you can never repeat to anyone.
Do you understand? It's a secret.
Secret?
Yes, a secret.
At 12:00 today,
the guards at those doors will leave their posts,
and their replacements are going to be five minutes late.
Late... Late five minute.
Yes, late five minutes.
At 12:00. Just today. Just this once.
No one is going to be watching those doors,
and no one is going to be watching you.
So, America not closed. No.
America, for five minutes, is open.
Have a nice life, Mr. Navorski.
Ah. [muttering]
Catch and release. It's very simple.
Sometimes you land a small fish.
You unhook him and place him back in the water,
set him free so that somebody else can have the pleasure of catching him.
All right.
Here we go.
Okay. Call them off.
Johnson, clear the doors.
All right. Go, go. Get out of here.
All right, there's the door. All right.
Here we go. Now, where is he?
There he is. No, that's not him.
Are you sure? Yeah. There he is.
Oh, okay. All right, Viktor.
Here we go. Yep.
W-W-What's so complicated? Exit, Viktor. Come on.
Couple minutes, you're gonna be somebody else's problem.
He wants to make sure nobody's watching him.
I told him nobody would be watching. He can...
Come on. All right, here we go.
Okay, this is it.
Call the airport police. Port Authority, he's on his way.
Excuse me.
[motor whirring]
[whirring]
You got it. There we go. He's... Ah.
He's got to get a running start, I guess. Come on, Viktor.
Just leave. Just leave. Come on, Viktor.
Leave. Leave. What are you doing?
What's he doing? Why is he kneeling? Is he praying?
No. He's tying his shoelace. Do they pray at noon?
[whirring]
Come on. Leave. Get the cameras.
Where is he? Where is he?
[Thurman] To the left. No. He was just at the door.
Just go a little left. All right, all right.
I wait.
What are you looking at? Go back to work.
[Dixon] Thank you.
[shrieks]
Oh, God. Oh, shit. Oh.
Opa!
Oh, man. Oh, God.
This belong you? Oh, thank you.
Please, please, please. Oh, shit.
Please.
Eh, see? The wet floor.
That you right there.
I'm so late.
Buenos Aires. I can't remember the gate.
Gate 24.
You sure?
Yes.
Thanks.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
For you. Payless Shoes.
Second floor. Sensible heels.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll start boarding flight 846
to Buenos Aires in 30 minutes.
Thank you.
Hi, baby. Come here, you.
[janitor] I think he's C.I.A.
The C.I.A. put him here to spy on us.
You don't know what you're talking about. That guy doesn't even speak English.
If he could not speak, this guy.
He can't speak English.
How could he have a meeting with a beautiful woman?
A flight attendant.
So, she's C.I.A., too? No.
She look like a Russian.
K.G.B. She gave him heel of her shoes.
And he gave her a piece of the paper.
Was it microfilm? A coupon from Payless Shoes.
Must be some kind of the code.
Buddy, I think you been spending
too much time inhaling them cleaning products.
I'm warning you guys. You watch yourself.
This guy is here for a reason, and I think that reason is us.
Excuse me, buddy.
What's going on?
It's Navorski. He's figured out the quarters.
Good afternoon. Welcome to Burger King. May I take your order?
Keep the change.
Excuse me. Excuse.
Hello, boys. Here. Here. Here, look.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Go, go. Go. Go.
Go. Yeah. Yeah. Ow!
Good boy. Good boy. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.
Welcome to Burger King. May I take your...
## [anthem playing]
"Crisis."
"Crisis in Krakozhia."
Now that heavy fighting has subsided
and both sides have dug in for the long winter ahead,
it's clear that the future of Krakozhia
may be in doubt for some time to come.
Meanwhile, the people of Krakozhia suffer the consequences.
"And food." Food. "In."
...have caused food and energy shortages.
"In... In Krakozhia."
[shouts in Bulgarian]
[reading aloud in Bulgarian]
"The story of Broadway is the..."
[reading aloud in Bulgarian]
"The cast of comedy...
"hitFriends,
which is set in New York."
Priateli.Friends.
Priateli. Friends.
[man over P.A.] Ladies and gentlemen, due to the heavy snowfall,
all flights have been canceled again. [loud groaning]
[Viktor reading aloud] "Danke Schoen...
"Wayne Newton is 61 today.
"It's a miracle. 'Miracable.'
"Korean conjoined twins separated today in Maine.
Chances of survival fifty-fifty."
Fifty-fifty.
Next.
Let me ask you something, Mr. Navorski.
Why do you wait here every day when there's nothing I can do for you?
Your new visa will not arrive until your country is recognized by the United States.
You... You have two stamp.
One red, one green.
So? So,
I have chance go New York, 50-50.
Yes, that's a beautiful way to look at it,
but America doesn't work that way.
Oh.
[Dixon] As acting field commissioner,
I've created a new position here at JFK.
Transportation liaison for passenger assistance.
[Thurman] Uh, sir? What will that person do?
Ah!
Thank you. I'll take it from here.
I'm transportation liaison
in charge of passenger assistance.
No carts, no quarters. No quarters, no food.
I give him a few days before he barrels through the doors in violation of Section 2.14.
Then he's somebody else's problem.
Why don't we tag him in violation of Section 2.14 now? Then ship him to detention.
He has to break the law by leaving this terminal. I won't lie.
Particularly to get rid of somebody like Viktor Navorski.
- Sorry, buddy. - Hi. Oh, sweetie.
Put it down. Put it down.
You try to take my mop. You try to take my floor.
It's my job. Stay off my floor.
Stay away from my mop. Food.
If you touch it again, I kill you.
Hey, I'm Enrique Cruz.
We need to talk.
I want to make a deal with you. What deal?
I need information on C.B.P. Officer Torres.
You feed me information about her, and I'll feed you.
What do you want know? You see her every day.
Yes. I want to know what...
what makes her knees weak.
What makes her blood boil
and her body tingle.
She's a wild stallion, and you'll help me break her.
I'm... I'm her man of mystery.
Officer Torres is wild stallion?
Her name is Dolores. Yes.
You help me to win her heart,
and you'll never go hungry again.
I do this.
Really? Promise?
Yes. Okay. Thank you.
What mean, wild stallion?
[speaking Bulgarian]
Officer Torres. My friend say you are stallion.
Mr. Navorski... Stallion.
A what? Stallion. Like a horse.
Stand behind the yellow line.
- It's beautiful horse. - Who said that?
My friend drive the food. Mr. Navorski, behind the yellow line.
I will help once you wait your turn. I'll get light green.
- Light green form. - I'll be back.
Okay. [Bulgarian]
She say one thing.
Very important.
What? What did she tell you?
You don't like it? Something wrong with the salmon?
Needgorchitsa. Gorchitsa? What?
Eh, mu-stard. Mustard?
Mustard? Yes. You have?
Yeah. Please, please.
Thank you.
Officer Torres, you like the films?
Movies? Not so much.
The Rockettes? Can't afford it.
What do you like?
Conventions.
Conventions. What is?
Conventions. Conventions?
This is like secret place you go?
So she go to these conventions dressed as Yeoman Rand.
Yeoman Rand. She's a Trekkie.
Yes. Favorite episode is "Doomsday Machine."
Ay, no puede ser! No puede ser!
[muttering in Spanish]
Now, listen, Viktor.
You can ask her something that is very important.
Mm. Okay. Look.
I wait. Enjoy your visit.
Next.
Officer Torres.
Mr. Navorski.
You have choose.
Man with money,
or man with love?
What is choose?
So, she had a boyfriend? Mm.
For how long?
Two years? And what happened?
He chit.
What? He chit.
Eat shit? He chit.
He chit. He chit.
Try to repeat exactly what she said.
He chit. She catch him. So...
Oh, hecheats. Yes, yes.
What we callkrushkach. We saykrushkach.
One man, two womans.
So.
Crowded, you know? Ah!
Okay. He cheats. Mm-hmm.
You say "cheats," not "chit." He chit.
No, no, "cheat." Enrique.
You, no chit.
No cheat. No chit.
Yeah, no. I won't. I won't cheat.
She's a nice girl. She won't take your chitting.
Next.
Officer Torres. Have you been ever in the love?
Enough, Viktor.
Who is it? Who's telling you to ask me these things?
It's a man of misery.
Mi-Misery?
Mystery?
No, no. Misery. Man of misery.
He's so sick. He's so in love.
But what did she say?
She did say, "Next, next."
Now she say, "Please. Please, come."
[beeping] That's... Wait...
[shouting] What? What?
Oh, oh, oh. Ah! Ah!
[speaking Bulgarian] I coming. No, wait.
I coming now! Viktor, just tell me more.
Hey...
I coming! I coming!
Please, please, please, please.
"Bipper" went off. Start "bipping." [Dixon] Yes, we beeped you.
So, I grab. I come. We have an idea.
Yes. Okay. Would you like something to eat?
You look like you're starving. Oh. No.
No food. I stuffed.
Okay. All right. Thanks, thanks. Thank you.
So, Mr. Navorski, I have some very good news for you.
What?
I've figured out a way to get you out of this airport.
How?
Well, we have laws here that protect aliens
who have a credible fear of returning to their own country.
If we can establish this fear with you,
then the C.B.P. will be forced to begin "Expedited Removal Procedures,"
bring you to an immigration judge
and let you plead your case for asylum.
Asylum?
Mm-hmm. Asylum.
Unfortunately, the courts are so backed up with asylum cases
that the soonest you'd get before a judge
would probably be six months from now.
Yes, and we would have no choice
but to let you go for those six months.
It's the law. You'd be released. Right.
You would be free to wait in New York until your court date.
But, believe it or not, most people,
they never show up before the judge.
So I go New York City?
Uh-huh. You can go to New York City tonight.
But you only get to go
if we can establish a credible fear.
Fear? Mm-hmm. Fear.
Fear. Fear.
From what?
Well, that's the best part.
It doesn't matter what you're afraid of.
It's all the same to Uncle Sam. Okay?
I'm going to ask you one simple question.
If you give me the correct answer,
I can get you out of this airport tonight.
So, I answer one question. Mm-hmm.
Go to New York City. Tonight.
Tonight. Tonight.
Nah... Uh...
[laughs] Okay.
Okay! Okay!
All right.
Do you, at this time,
have any fear of returning to your own country?
No.
Okay. Let me try it again.
- Your country's at war. - Yes, yes, war.
There are men in the streets with guns. Political persecution.
Yes, yes. It's terrible. Yeah, it's horrible.
And God only knows what could happen.
Innocent people are torn from their beds and thrown into jail.
On Tuesdays. I hate Tuesdays.
Yes, it's horri... So you're afraid.
From what?
Krakozhia.
You're afraid of Krakozhia.
Krakozhia? Mm-hmm.
No, no, I am not afraid from Krakozhia.
I am little afraid of this room.
[laughs] Okay.
I'm talking about bombs.
I'm talking about human dignity. I'm talking about human rights.
Please don't be afraid to tell me that you're afraid of Krakozhia.
Is home.
I am not afraid from my home.
So? All right.
I go to New York City now?
No. No?
Uh...
Okay.
I'm, uh... I'm afraid from ghosts.
Okay. Thanks very much.
I'm afraid from, uh, Dracula.
Thanks a lot. Thanks, Viktor.
Afraid from Wolfmens, afraid from sharks.
Thanks a lot.
[grunts]
[laughing]
[man #1] You see that guy? [man #2] Yeah.
[man #1] He wiped out. Why you do this?
Nobody read the sign in America.
This is the only fun I have.
[woman] A barbecue?
That's why I'm not going to see you?
Let me get this straight.
I change my schedule to meet you.
I take four back-to-back flights,
fly 27 hours straight literally around the world,
and now you tell me you're going to spend the 4th of July with your wife?
The woman hates fireworks.
Don't lie to me, okay?
I know for a fact you took her to Rome last weekend.
Because you flew United, Max.
[Viktor] So, uh... [sobbing]
You make a habit out of listening to other people's conversations?
No, I try to call home.
So, then...
You know why men are such assholes?
No.
Because they're all liars!
Wait. Wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait!
Wet floor. Wait, wait, please.
Don't be hurt. How can I not be? He's married.
One man. Two womens. Crowded.
You want to know what the worst part is?
I never asked him to leave his wife.
I was encouraging him to get counseling.
What kind of sick person am I?
I'm rooting for the home team!
[sobs, sighs]
I just wish the sex wasn't so amazing.
Oh. [chuckles] Well... Okay.
It's really amazing. All right. Bye-bye.
You know, sometimes in the mornings,
I just stare at him over room service.
Watch him do the crossword puzzle.
I start to think that maybe,
maybe this could happen.
That we belong together.
This... man...
has you.
Why he need... puzzle?
This is my problem.
I always see men the way I want to see them.
Do I know you from someplace?
Sensible heels. Payless Shoes.
Second floor. [snickers]
Oh...
You headed for home?
Uh, no, no.
I am...
I am delayed, uh, long time.
I hate it when they delay flights.
What do you do?
Oh, I go from one building
to another building.
I-I have "bipper."
Oh, contractors.
You guys travel as much as we do. Ah.
Sorry about that. Thank you very much.
What's "B.H."?
In English,
Viktor Navorski.
In English, Amelia Warren.
Amelia Warren? Yeah.
Nice to meet you. You, too.
Nice to see you again.
You like Italian food?
I know. It's late, and you've probably got other plans,
but if you'd like to grab some dinner,
we can run right out and catch a cab.
I know a place that has the greatest cannelloni.
Uh... No. I-I-I can't.
You married? No, no.
Girlfriend? No.
I-I-I can't, uh,
go out... with you.
God! I am... I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry.
I must come off like a complete nut job or something.
- No. - I didn't want to eat alone.
Wet floor. Wet... Wet floor.
No, I... No, please. You don't have to explain.
[Viktor] No, please, I...
Nadia.
In New York restaurant, what cost is "cantaloni"?
I don't know. Maybe 15 bucks.
Dollars? Twenty.
Two people, 40. Opa.
Two people, 40 dollars.
I help you?
I'm so sorry, sir.
The position has already been filled.
Do you live nearby? Yes, yes. Gate 67.
Because we are very particular about punctual...
Did you say gate 67?
Gate 67.
[laughing]
You got to be kidding.
You got to help me help you. I don't see a Social Security number, driver's license number.
Mailing address? Even a phone number?
Telephone? You need? I get.
I get. I get phone.
451-1226.
All right. And when's the best time to reach you?
Now?
[ringing]
Hello? Hi, Mr. Navorski.
Yes, this is Viktor Navorski. Who calls?
It's Cliff, the manager of the Discovery Store?
Ah, ha-ha! Cliff! [laughing] Yeah.
Hello. How's it going?
Good, good. Is this a good time?
Yes, I wait for your call all day.
Well, I got to tell you that the position's been filled.
Oh. Yeah.
So could you please go sit someplace else?
Yeah, I go to bathroom now. That'd be good.
Thank you. All right.
[Cliff] Okay.
[woman screams]
[## jazz continues]
Oh! Aha!
Who is this?
- Who are you? - It's no one.
Not for another two weeks. This isn't one of my guys.
[## jazz continues]
[music stops]
Look at this cornicing.
This is good work.
Must be Harry's crew. You with Harry's crew?
Does Harry think he's running this job?
I go now. Go where?
Gate 67. Sixty-seven?
We're ten months away from 67.
He's got to be Harry's. If he's not mine and he's not yours...
Harry's trying to make me look bad.
I've got to slow him down before he gets to 67.
What's your name? Viktor Navorski.
Bobby, pull him off Harry's crew, put him on mine.
You start 6:30 Monday morning.
You give me job?
Oh... 6:30, yes. Yes, boss.
[## jazz]
We have lobster ravioli from Alitalia.
We have caviar from Russian Aeroflot.
[janitor] Okay, just bring it here.
Hey, Viktor. Hello.
Look. The man without a country.
Come on in.
Welcome. I see this.
Yeah. You did well.
Have a seat.
Here? Here.
Yeah, sit down.
Hey. Who invited him?
I did. We needed a fourth, right?
I'm not going to play with him.
Gupta, relax, would you? He ain't a spy.
How do you know?
He could be recording everything we say.
A wire in his shirt.
A microphone up in his ass.
I'm not going to lose my job.
Fine.
Will you feel better if we X-rayed him?
Yes.
Close your eyes.
Okay. So you are clean.
Good. Let's play cards.
I will have money, but Friday.
Don't worry about it. We play for unclaimed items from the lost and found.
You'll be amazed at what people leave at airports. Come.
I have two nines and two nines.
Four nines. Thank you.
[laughing]
Careful, careful. Watch out.
Wait. Wait.
Hey, we have a question for you, Viktor. What?
Yeah, we're just curious.
What is in the can? What? This?
Yeah, we saw the X ray.
[Gupta] We know there's no nuts in there.
[Viktor] What is in there?
This... is jazz.
Jazz? Jazz, yes.
Jazz? Yes.
[laughing] [laughing]
You sure it's jazz in there? It might be the blues.
Or some salsa.
Maybe Stevie Wonder. No, no, is jazz.
Okay, guys. Okay.
For tonight's grand prize, we have...
Show them, Gupta. Oh.
I found this upstairs.
Virgin Air, first-class lounge.
There you go.
And they belong to?
Cher.
Cher?
As in... Cher? Yeah. Cher.
I checked it out. There were witnesses.
Those are Cher's panties.
Ready? Hurry up.
So, we share the panties?
No, no, no. Not if I win. Come on.
Wait a second.
[Viktor] "You can't." "That is mine."
"You can get so confused." Viktor?
Well, hi. Oh, hi.
How... Oh. Let me. Please, please.
How are you? Good.
Man. I gotta say. I am so sorry about what happened last time,
asking you out like that.
I'm so used to guys trying to grab my ass at 30,000 feet
that when I meet somebody who keeps his hands in his pockets, I don't know how to react.
Let's just start over. Yes, okay..
Are you coming or going? I don't know. Both.
Tell me about it. Good.
N-Napoleon? Yeah, yeah.
I read a lot of history books. They're long, cheap and usually about men killing each other.
Like 1,200 pages for 9.99. You can't beat that.
No, but Napoleon?
Yeah. He's one of my favorites. Oh.
You know what saved Napoleon's life? No.
His ego. Ego?
Yep.
After he loses the Battle of Waterloo,
Napoleon isolates himself on the tiny island of Saint Helena.
No one knows exactly what happens next,
but the version I like goes like this.
He's very depressed
and he decides to take his own life.
But Napoleon believes himself
to be of such superhuman strength
that he takes six times the amount of poison needed to do the job.
His stomach is so full up with poison
that his body rejects it, and he doesn't die.
See? Ego. Yeah, saved his life.
Maybe he need glasses.
Glasses?
Yes. To read words on bottle. Poison.
You know, it's funny you should say that.
Rumor has it that Napoleon was farsighted.
There you go. There you go.
Viktor, I think we're rewriting history right here.
Why don't we talk about it over lunch?
Oh, my God. I can't believe it.
I just asked you out again. I just did it again.
Oh! I'm so... Just stay away from me, Viktor, okay?